Dear sister,
I know that in life, we have not always seen eye to eye. In fact, some of our differences had, for seasons, caused tension and division between us. Many times, I left the kind and right things unsaid. And more frequently, with great regret, I said things that should have never been spoken. Words that broke you down instead of built you up. Words that spoke death instead of life. While I'm glad that, for the most part, that phase is buried in the past, I feel that there are too many things you deserved to hear, but never have. Credit you deserved, but never received. And years of friendship we could have had, but were lost.
My first recollection of wanting to be like you was around the age of five when you began piano lessons. (Although - I'm sure there were many incidents prior to this where I had a similar agenda). I soon just "had" to be signed up to learn the piano as well.
In fifth grade, I entered my first 1.5 mile race - the first race you had completed just two years earlier. I continued running through middle school track and into high school cross country, pushing myself, chasing after you.
You began acting and performing - so, albeit brief, I gave that a shot as well.
When I was in junior high, I watched you go on your first mission trip, and could not wait to embark on a great adventure just like you had experienced.
You got your first "real" job at dairy queen pretty much the second you were legally employable. So when I hit that same milestone - there was no question that I would get a job as well (although, I did opt for a different employer). You were a pioneer in my eyes.
The above anecdotes are just the tip of the iceberg; A glimpse of the small and vast ways you have impacted and guided my life. So many of my passions and hobbies, I only know thanks to you leading the way.
I treasure and admire so many things about you. I have seen you overcome unfair adversity. Fearlessly embark on new adventures. Love without abandon.
And while I could go on and on, nothing could compare to what I saw on that overcast Thursday afternoon in May.
This is the second child of yours whom I have been blessed to quite literally witness coming into the world. And although it was just as miraculous as the first child I saw you birth, something was different.
Maybe it had to do with the fact that you were no longer walking into the unknown - facing a fear you had only heard about. You knew exactly what you were getting into. You knew the pain you were about to face. You knew every. single. thing. that you had to get through before you would get to meet your beloved little angel.
And in the midst of that - you were thrown some variables. Some things that threw the plan a bit off kilter. And suddenly you weren't so sure about exactly what you were getting into. Choices had to be made. Tough choices. Not ideal choices. And although fear was present, it was hard to tell. Because just like you had done in the past, you bravely took it a breath at a time, a contraction at a time. You looked fear in the eyes, and pushed straight through it. Again, quite literally. I have never witnessed such bravery or strength first hand.
I'm not sure if I have ever seen love comparable to when your loving sobs welcomed baby Bianca into your wide open and fiercely loving arms. It was beautiful. You are beautiful. Your heart for your babies, and people in general, blows my mind. You were created to be a mama. You were created to birth babies.
You are a fierce, raw, and real. And you are a freaking rockstar.
You have given me another area of life in which I will continually strive to be just like you.
I love you sweet sister. Thank you for inviting me into this sacred, miraculous moment. It is one I will never forget and my heart will never be the same, in the best way.
***If someone is ever brave enough to let the watch you have a baby, DO IT!
