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  • Writer's pictureElisabeth Dorosh

The Downward Spiral

When we were dating, Nazari used to leave sweet little notes for me EVERYWHERE. They would be on my bathroom mirror, in the kitchen, on my desk, on my windshield – all over the place! They were quite literally the sweetest thing ever. And they brought me such joy!

When we were first married, I worked a lot of night shifts as a nurse, and there were many consecutive days we never got to see one another. So we used to leave notes for each another with dry erase markers on our bathroom mirror. I would also still find a sweet post its on my nightstand, or on a freshly made bed from time to time and it always brightened my day.

But as time continued on, these notes became less and less frequent. One day I realized they were all but non-existent and it made me really sad. This new found awareness became an epidemic. Suddenly I saw that we were also having far less date nights. He wasn’t really helping around the house. I was no longer receiving cute texts. There were no sweet notes. What was happening?!?!

While it’s easy to spiral downward from here, this negative headspace has instead become an immediate red flag for me to look at my own actions, or lack thereof. If I'm feeling a lack of pursuit from Nazari, I most always find that it's a two way street.

Have I been sending cute texts letting Naz know I'm thinking of him or what a boss man I think it is?

Have I blocked off any nights to be home or planned any dates?

Have I reached out to him to set up a time to talk on an away trip, or shared with him that I miss him?

Have I left any cute notes around the house?

Have I been looking for ways to help out at home to ease the burden on him?

More often than not, the answer is no. When I spend all my time fixating on what I perceive is lacking, I miss out on seeing where I too am falling short. Often what I feel is missing is something that I haven’t been giving myself. The best part about this? I have complete control to immediately remedy the problem on my end by texting, dating, and pursuing my man. Life is a lot sweeter when I focus on how I can better love my husband than on all the ways I feel like he isn't loving me enough. (Bonus: More often that not, that gesture is reciprocated because kindness tends to be contagious ;)

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